Listen up, Kids. These are the questions we only want to answer once! Asking them repeatedly won't change the answer. Read 'em and weep. Or cheer. Or whatever it is you're inclined to do.
If you have a question that hasn't been answered here, feel free to ask it. Be forewarned that the incarnate author has no control over the discarnate author's tendency to sarcasm and snarking, and vice versa.
All your burning questions answered in Curmudgeon-o-matic Snarktasticness by Lily's evil twin Poison Ivy and the Undead Asshole from Beyond the Grave.
Q: Hey, if you're such a great writer, howcome your book is self published? It's because you suck, right?
A: (answered by Poison Ivy) Suckage is in the eye of the beholder, Cupcake. Although the Undead Asshole may have an eternity to wait for recognition of his writing talents since at this point the only kind of fame he can have is the posthumous kind, I'm an old biddy and I don't have the time or the patience to play the "paper my walls with rejection letters" game. Besides, rejection letters make shit wallpaper.
Being self published doesn't necessarily mean that a book is shit. There are plenty of books that were picked up by publishers that stink to high heaven, yet they were still published. Including the book that I read nearly 15 years ago which was so awful that I actually started correcting all the mistakes in it. Nothing could be done to save the plot, however, which was full of sucking wounds. I figured if someone could write crap like that and get it published, what the hell did I have to lose? Only I was too impatient to see if I could actually find a publisher. Instead I found a snarky-ass ghost for a co-writer.
Q: So what book sucked so bad that it inspired you to think that you could be a writer?
A: (by Lily) I'm actually not mean enough to say. The secret will go to my grave with me.
Q. Is this for real?
A: (by Lily) When you are dealing with psychic phenomena, there is always a chance that the person delivering the information may be delusional or a charlatan. I assure you that I am not a charlatan, or I would have chosen a better-known person for my co-author and I would have worked a lot more on my personal presentation so I could be an effective con artist. In fact, I would have a hard time selling ice to people in the Sahara desert. I'm a crappy liar and would make a very poor criminal because I would never get away with anything.
Whether or not I'm delusional is open to interpretation. However, I have had certain information that I received from my spectral friend confirmed after receiving it.
Q. Aren't you exploiting your co-author? After all, it's not like he can get paid!
A: (by Poison Ivy) Honey, if I were going to exploit someone, I'd at least choose someone that the majority of people knew! It's likely that a good three out of five people would say "Who?" if you mentioned my co-author's name! As to him making money, I haven't made any money yet either! It cost $1000 to publish the book, another $1000 plus countless hours to promote it, plus $18 per year storage fee. So far, since publication in 2007, I have sold 13 copies.That ain't exactly getting rich while Spooky starves!
Q. The ghost has multiple personalities? How many?
A: (by Pelle/Dead) We aren't actually sure ourselves. Pelle and Dead are the main communicators and are adult personalities. Pelle continues to age chronoloically to a degree while Dead always appears to be in early adulthood. Anyone encountering in dreams someone that was "an older Dead" has met Pelle, not Dead. We are parts of one soul but we are very distinct personalities.
There are also adolescent and child personalities. Some not fully formed. Some have been absorbed. These were incomplete. None of the complete personalities has ceased to exist. The older personalities care for the younger ones.
Q. So he was schizophrenic?
A: (by Lily) No, he had Dissociative Identity Disorder, the mental illness formerly known as multiple personality disorder. Go to wikipedia and mentalhealth.com and look up dissociative identity disorder to find more concise descriptions than we can give here.
People with dissociative identity disorder are often misdiagnosed as schizophrenic. There is a tendency for one or more personalities to be ashamed or afraid of appearing "crazy" and they don't tell anyone what they are experiencing. It is my belief that many people who in fact have DID receive the wrong treatment because they have been misdiagnosed, although more is known about the condition now than in the past.
